VA Tech - some thoughts of mine a week after.

I really hesitated to post anything about the tragedy. The media disappointed me by breaking the cardinal rule of never asking "how do you feel?" during a time of mourning.

However, a week after the tragedy, I read an article that jolted me from my state of oblivion.

The article focused on the Korean community in Virginia .

Josephine Kim, a mental health expert who emigrated from South Korea said, “I think our community failed him, the school system failed him, and definitely the immigrant life really failed him.”

She describe Cho Seung-Hui as part of what Korean Americans call “generation 1.5” referring to those born in Asia but raised in U.S. and fluent in English by the time they reach high school. They live in a cultural divide where parents struggle to make ends meet while their children Americanize.

This often results in some distance between parents and their children. Kim explained, “the parents really wanted to provide the American Dream for their kids, which required that they made superhuman sacrifices working really hard. That might have meant they didn't have enough time at home with their kids. It's often kids raising themselves.”

The thing that really hit me about this story is my own sense of guilt and search for identity. When I moved to America from Singapore, I wasn’t “Asian” enough for Asians from Asia but yet wasn’t “American” enough for Asian Americans. But yet I survived.

I had the good fortune of finding a close group of confidants and while it was a small circle, it was still a support group nonetheless. I had family who were blessed to be able to semi-retire here, working only to cover monthly bills but already had their nest egg well-tended to, and as such were always in touch with me.

Therein lies the guilt but I can only be thankful and feel blessed that moving halfway round the world didn’t put undue stress on me. I am proud of my Asian heritage and while I am not Korean, my heart goes out to the Korean community in Virginia.

This is not your shame. Your hearts are in the right places. I mourn with you just as much as I mourn for the families of the many people who lost family and loved ones a week ago.